Last week I began talking about Anxiety as a part of Mental Health Awareness month, I am continueing that with a more personal insight into how if affected me.
I know when I started to get anxiety really bad I could trace back how it first began, kinda like stair steps up up up to the peak of a couple panic attacks.
We had gone through some extreme financial loss right after having Addi and we picked up some but it got bad again once I was pregnant with charlie. My sense of security and stability was really rocked and I was in full on survival mode. Figuring out how I could save what we still had (a house I wanted to have this second child in) grow my business to make more money, and of course continue to raise my almost 2 year old. Charlie came out perfect but chose not to sleep at night. two year old, business, not sleeping, my body began wearing down. It started with headaches that I made into more than headaches (what if something is wrong with my brain). Which led me to feeling tired as I drove. So then it popped into my head that I could fall asleep while driving with the kids, and that totally freaked me out. Now, that had not come close to happening, but once I planted that thought....... it grew. So in the car with the kids I would yawn all the time and be super anxious. We would stop somewhere and I would be fine. If I was driving without the kids i was still tried but the worry of falling asleep wasn't there
**I didn't care if I got hurt........ yes! :( *****
So as you can see, it started with stress and lack of sleeping and i allowed it to manifest to a brain issue and the possibility of wrecking my car with the kids in it. I really just needed a nap. I could have taken things to repair my adrenals but I was breastfeeding and many were not good for my milk production. I did notice as he got older and did not solely depend on me for food that my body was able to have a little more recovery time. I also began trying to talk about what was on my mind. All the things I was worried about in our home, how I felt I was failing as a mother, how I wish my business would have been growing faster. As I got them out I released that tension and energy from my body. I also began to look at my successes rather than my short comings.
I began to understand what was happening, accept it not as me being weird but as something that was going on for me in this period of time and it would pass. And it did. I was able to do things to help my adrenals recover. When I chose to stop nursing he instantly slept through the night and so did I. I also got better at asking for help.
Anxiety does suck, panic attacks are the worst, BUT when you begin to understand the root you can begin to get yourself to a place where it/they do not control your life.
Hang in there, it really does get better,