Happy New Year: Transparent and Authentic

How did you ring in last night?  Did you party it up, stay up, or just fall asleep?   I was up in bed as soon as midnight hit. I assume, exactly where i was suppose to be. 
These last couple weeks i have thought about a New Years letter, I have written it in my mind and now I am putting it down. 
I knew I wanted to talk about things i hadn’t shared before and also work better on sharing the in person Sarah, online better (i say that every year) 
If you are a planner or someone that was like me that had an idea how your life would be and you move towards it and then as you roll along realize, this isn’t what i thought at all. This is not the dream i had nor do i feel like myself anymore.  That was me in 2017 when i chose to leave my marriage.  I had been married for almost 11 years and two beautiful babies.  Now, i didn’t wake up one day and just say i was done.  It was an evolution of time and experiencing all the emotions (counseling, marriage retreat) one should go through before they leave.  Was it scary, did i feel like i was breaking my children’s heart, YES! 

BUT, this was the first time I chose Sarah.  

I am a giver to others, I compromise, and often times will find the best in any situation and just make it work.  You can do that to much. You can compromise yourself away and realize so many times you should just say NO, or This isn’t what i want, or you see all these things happening around you that just don’t feel right.  It is easy for you to get taken advantage of and realize you are living someone else’s life not yours, and it’s a sad place to be when you thought you were on the same page. 

(I will say this quickly, love and freedom can co exist.  True love is freedom..)

None the less, i chose to “step back” to move forward.  I knew if i left i just wanted my life and to be the best mom. I wanted to co parent well ( that’s a two person job though haha)  and find the Sarah that had been lost. 
I left a house he just built, most everything in it except my kitchen stuff and began again in a two bedroom apartment.  There were moments where a great deal of failure came over me and moments where i felt as light as a feather, and younger than i ever had. 
I still feel both of those feelings to this day. I am working on the lightness being way more than the failure. 
I realize a literal home isn’t what gives stability, It’s me showing up for my kids like i always had. I realize peace isn’t in things. I could have a little more space in my apartment but i am fine with less stuff. Zip codes don’t indicate success and we can always learn from those around us no matter their demographics.  

I also have began to define, what sets my soul on fire.  What do I want to be that me that was buried deep down. i want to serve more clients that have me ending our time together feeling alive. Not because, everything was perfect but, because they trusted me to hold them for a moment and do the best damn job i could to have them feel better. 
I want to travel, i want to experience health in other cultures and different modalities.  I always think the human body is fascinating and what we do to it, positive or negative, and how that translates. 
I know anxiety and stress all to well and how keeping them in your back pocket for to long can wreck your health, even eating the best food or taking the best herbs (hello hair loss). when you meet me in person you know these things. We will talk about everything from sex to poop (not together unless you need to ) 
i share my strengths because that is why you hired me, but i also share the fact that i am human. Anyone who says they have it all together is lying .
I have worked w a lot of people, those of status, those w a blue check by their name on Instagram and those who are making a bigger impact on the world than most but you don’t know their name.  if they are in for a colonic, someone is really just a human when they are getting a tube up their butt. If i am in their home you realize that money and stuff still doesn’t make someone healthy. 

So 2019, i want to be in more of your homes getting dirty in your kitchens. I want those who desire someone to really understand their life, body mind and spirit and help them reach their health goals based on all three. I want to continue feeling free and be less hard on myself. I want to make sure that Addi and Charlie without a doubt know that I have their back and we are in it together and I’m going to protect their path but let them travel it.  It won’t always be easy or without tears but we will grow stronger.  

Who’s with me?  
I love you all and thank you for letting me share ️